I have long held the belief that owning a home is like having a third person in your relationship. You have to take care of each other, but you also have to take care of your house. I am not entirely sure that my house is not a living being, with wants and needs. And after conducting what amounted to a small archeological dig in my kitchen recently, I have to at least consider the possibility that my house is partying far more than I.
The other morning I tried to open my silverware drawer and the bottom fell out. Although he did offer, I assured the nice Roger that I was possessed of repair skills adequate enough to fix the issue. However, I also realized that if I didn’t deal with the excess of contents in both this drawer and the utensil drawer below it, I would have to do it again real soon. So, out came both drawers and I spread their contents out over the kitchen counters, striving for some sort of organizational sense. I hadn’t done this in some time, and found myself amazed and puzzled by some of the accumulation. Where did all of this stuff come from? Did I buy all these things? Or, did the house order things online when we weren’t around? I may have to check the browser history on our computers, because I am puzzled by some of the following inventory:
5 tea strainers- 2 hinged spoons, 2 tea balls, & this elegant strainer.
11 nut crackers- including this beautiful stream-lined wood & brass number(oddly, we rarely buy unshelled nuts)
3 cheese knives and 2 cheese slicers-because you never know when you’re going to need to cut the cheese.(no, I am not sorry about that terrible joke)
45 tiny plastic hors d’oeuvres forks-including 1 lone ‘Mr. Peanut’ fork(these may have come from my mother-in-law, but I have no more clue why she saved them than I have as to why I saved them)
1 set of 5 wooden-handled hors d’oeuvres forks (they have never been used)
1 set of 5 wooden-handled fondue forks (I have never made fondue at home. Never.)
5 pairs of tongs
21 turkey-trussing skewers in 2 sizes. I have never used these on a turkey. And yet, they appear to be used.
Several obscure kitchen tools-1 melon-baller, 1 zester, 1 antique ‘Presto’ egg slicer(again, from my mother-in-law. I have never hard-boiled an egg in my life. The smell is appalling.)
And finally, 10, count ’em, 10 corkscrews-these are spare corkscrews, in case one of the three I regularly use breaks. (I recall buying a few, but 10? I think not.)
So, after conducting what I feel was a very thorough investigation, I believe it possible that our house is having parties when Roger and I are not home, with lots of wine and food requiring tiny forks. If, in the future, anyone receives an invite to one of these parties, bring me along as your plus-one. I love a good party, and apparently, my house knows how to throw one.